Conversations with a Teenager
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: MOM
My oldest and I were having a conversation on MSN earlier today. I asked her if she had bought her dad a birthday and/or Father's day card yet...

C: No, No time, no money
Me: Alright, we'll go by and pick something up later tonight
C: Thanks, why is it the older you get the less money and time you have?
Me: I don't know, it sucks, but it'll only get worse... unless you win the lottery or something
C: Mybe I should just become a moocher
Me: HA! and who are you going to mooch off of? Neither your dad or I have any money
C: The Government?

Man - that kid scares me sometimes! heh

She's so bright, and so beautiful, and doesn't even seem to realize it. As a matter of fact, during all this talk about money we started talking about jobs. You see, I have a real problem with her working while she's in highschool. I wish I had the money to just GIVE her so she could enjoy being a kid! So she told me...

C: I know I need a job. And I kind of want one, after all, I could use the money. But it's scarey because I don't know if I would be good at it, or if anyone would even want to hire me!

This really shocked me because I had always thought that she had a lot more self confidence then that. She's so mature most of the time that I forget that she has a lot of the same fears and self doubt that _I_ had at 16. I just hope that she avoids some of the same mistakes. At this point, though I really can't do much about it. She's going to make her choices and I just have to hope that the example I've set and the morals I've instilled in her hold true. If she does slip up, one thing I CAN say is that I'll still lover her just as fiercly as I do now.

I've been a BAD RABBIT
I'm sorry I left you and didn't post for 10 days! Work has been insane and that cut into my blogging time, and truthfully, I just didn't feel like talking much. Every time I thought I had a thought worth the typing time, the feeling would go away. Partially because work kept interrupting my train of thought. But, I'm back now and I'll do my darn best not to leave you in the lurch like that again.

I have to wonder if part of my lack of blogging has been that I really haven't had all that much to bitch about. Kinda scary really. Let me fill you in. My period finally STOPPED, the mood swings etc that come from the first month back are gone, and my face cleared up (though I'm still on the fence about the bald spots). Das Ist G?t! N's allergies have been MUCH MUCH better. He can breathe, and stay awake for more then an hour at a time, and he's sleeping at night (No more heartburn). This has lead him to behave much more like himself, he's cuddly and snuggly and basically back to being the Man I know and love! (Read paying attention to me!) Das Ist G?t! My girls are visiting and asked to stay for the week. School is out and I'll get to see them a LOT. Das Ist G?t! So life is rolling right along. Except for work being a bear right now I'm feeling really great. We've been out Geocaching a lot, and N and I are both really getting into the sport. We're having a lot of fun and seeing a lot of really cool places that we didn't know existed.

So, what else? Hmm. C is being installed as Honored Queen in her Job's Daughters Bethel. That's involved a lot of planning and a lot of MONEY. But it's fun and she's excited. It's a little like planning a wedding. You pick your colors, have to pick out invitations, and programs and ask people to be involved. She even asked me to be her soloist, so I'll be singing for the whole affair.

So, that about brings us up to date. I'm going to try to add a few more thoughts, personal antidotes, and other crap besides my day to day... blah as time goes on. In the mean time, if you read this, and you have any questions I can answer.... Fire away I'll do it!

Modern Mom
My girls came to visit over the weekend (My son had baseball and had to stay at his Dad's) and I was pleased and eagerly agreed when they asked if they could stay the rest of the week (school is out). Since it was short notice I didn't bother getting the time off. C is 16 and pleanty old/resposable enough to watch her sister for a few hours. What's funny though, is that they both have hotmail accounts and I set up two machines for them each with messenger loaded up so that they could message me if they had any issues. They've both enjoyed it. Keeping in touch throughout the day etc, but when I looked back after THIS conversation I had to laugh at just how much things change, and yet... stay the same.

S says:
can i have a popcicle? Ppppppppppppllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee.please

parttimemom says:
yes - if C says it's ok
S says:
thank u
S says:
yum

Same conversation hundreds of thousands of mothers are having with thier 10 year old daughters today.. and the same conversation that has been happening between mother's and daughters for 100's of years. Only I can have this conversation with my daughter in real time over the internet...

Story from the Past
I thought this little story might help to explain the mental anguish I lived with for errmm about 15 years, and continue to have to deal with sporadically even today. You see, my ex husband has the ability to take anything, and I do mean ANYTHING you say and turn it against you. And he's good at it. So good at it that after a while you start to wonder if it's YOU that's wrong and not him.

One of his best ploys was to take something you said and repeat it back to you, but with a totally different meaning. In fact, I do believe that if it's at all possible to take something you've said more then one way he will unerringly pick the worse possible meaning.

Case in point:

A few years back when he was still trying to `woo' me back we got into (yet another) argument.

Richard: What does he (N) have that I don't!?* You said yourself that he isn't romantic. I was always romantic! You always said that was important to you.

Me: *Cough**Sputter* I NEVER said he wasn't romantic!

*Understand that I didn't LEAVE Richard for N. As a matter of fact I didn't meet N until a year after we had separated, but Richard insisted that this was some sort of competition between the two of them.

So I sat there busting my brain trying to figure out where he EVER got the idea that I said that N wasn't romantic (I mean how could you call a guy who lights candles in every room in the house including up the staircase and then leaves a single red rose on the bed NOT romantic?) when I remembered a PRIOR conversation when we got into (yet ANOTHER) an argument.

Richard: I can't wait until the romance is gone and you're left with the everyday boring humdrum. Then you'll see, I was the best thing you could ever have. You'll be back!

Me: Our relationship's not like that. It's not about hearts and flowers and rosy sunsets!

Clearly - right there - can you see it? I said that N wasn't romantic. Right?

God it makes me insane just thinking about it!

Huh?
Can anyone tell me why my kotex has little 'helpful health tips' printed on the adhesive strip? I feel like I'm opening some bizzare pink fortune cookie everytime I go to the restroom! Maybe I should add 'in bed' after each tip and see if it makes it any more amuzing?

I'm 35 Fingers
Is it REALLY wierd that I keep forgetting how old I am? I'm continually telling folks that I'm 36 - BUT I'm really 35. What's up with that?

*Sigh*
I just got done reading This entry and now I want to cry. For a lot of reasons.

1) I'm very happy for the two of them, and I've enjoyed being able to take part in (observe?) their budding romance.

2) I want to go to the UK! For reasons beyond the fact that N and I will be getting married there. Because I think I'll love it.

I want to wander through a place that has buildings older then our country - has been a country! I want to be surrounded by voices speeking in accents forgien to my Americanfied ears. I want to be immerced in a culter that is similar and yet so incredably different from our own. And most of all I want to do all these things while being guided by the man I love. I want to see these sites, feel these things, breath this air all the while his arms are wrapped around me and he does the same.

--------

I got home at about 8:00pm last night. I was working late again - YUCK! I was met at the door by the most wonderful man in the world. Actually he was standing on the porch as I drove up. We he spent the last 30 minutes on the phone with each other with him asking every 10 or so "Are you home yet?"

As soon as I dropped my bags off inside I found myseldf wrapped in his arms and his lips on mine. We kissed, and hugged, and then kissed some more. Then we petted and panted and then the clothes started flying!

He fell asleep afterwords and I slipped out of bed to grab something to eat and sit on the couch cruzing the web. He was dissapointed later to wake up and not find me beside him. I should have gone back to bed and snuggled I suppose because it kind of left a sour note to the evening. He made a comment about me sneeking out of bed to 'chat with a boyfriend' and it frustrated me. I thought we had moved beyond these kinds of comments. When I tried to dig deeper into this he brushed it off. I wish I knew if he was seriously worried about those sorts of things or if he really is just him teasing as he's wont to do. If he IS seriously worried, what do I do? I know he was hurt in the past. I'm pretty sure TWICE. So I can understand his fears but I don't like them.

Pinning this man into serious conversation is always a challenge.

Squirrel Names?
Topic: Quizes
My squirrel name (Ok - so I hopped on the bandwagon) is: Scampy Bushman
N is: Countess Puffy-ears HUH? heheheh

Money - or the lack there of
I think I need to prioritize. It now takes me nearly all damn day to read the blogs I have tagged! It's not doing much for my work ethic. But then my current job doesn't really demand much work ethic.

As you may have summized the weekend was GREAT! We spent every single day hiking and WOW did we see some amazing countryside! N's alergies acted up the entire time, but he went with us anyway and seemed to manage to enjoy himself. It was just really really nice to spend a relaxing weekend with everyone who's important to me, and to have them all get along.

In other news N seems to be really really bothered by the fact that we are probably not going to have the money to go to Scottland this year. I can't figure out if he's more bothered by the fact that we can't seem to save enough money to take a decent vacation, 0r the fact that we keep putting off getting married. He actually askesd me last night "If we don't get to Scottland this year, are you going to leave me?"

I'm truthfully not worried about it. I know he loves me and wants to marry me. In fact, in my heat and mind we are already married, already joined for the remainder of our lives. I gave my heart and soul to him long before he ever proposed. I really don't need some cerimony to make it 'real' for me. It already is. As for the vacation part of the deal, yeah, I would LOVE to do it, but I guess I never really believed that it would happen. I won't until I have plane tickets in my hand. I'm just that way. So, if that falls through I'll live.

I think, for N, living this way is hard for him. He grew up having money. He's never really wanted for anything. His family took European vacations every other year and they always lived well above the 'comfort' level. Until recently apartently so did he. He had a serease of good paying jobs and not only got to do what he wanted but also built up a savings account. Then he desided to change carreers. To start back at the bottom of the ladder... the the bottom fell out of the job industry and he STUCK at the bottom of a ladder that suddenly has a LOT less rungs. It's been frustrating to him to say the least. At least that's how _I_ see it. Last night he was talking about taking a second job. I, as always, am against it. and NO I won't leave him if we don't get to scottland this year, nor if we don't the year after, nor the year after...

Can't say for him though *grin*

10 Reasons I'm now sure my son has forgiven me for divorcing his dad and finding someone nicer...
1) When his dad pulled up on Friday night to drop him off, he jumped out of the truck, ran toward me and deposted a wooden basket in my hands that he had made in woodshop while calling out "Happy Mother's Day!".

2) Telling N "Isn't this a cool basket? I'll bet YOU wish you had a basket like this."

3) Everytime we had to go anywhere (both of our cars only hold four people) he would shout "I get to ride with N in the JEEP!"

4) Spontainous hugging at various times during the weekend.

5) Sitting next to me while we worked on the computer and leaning against me without pulling away in horror when he realized our knees were touching.

6) Asking me two nights in a row to play a computer game with him and when I asked him "Which one" saying "You pick, I don't care, I just want to play" (did you hear the uspoken 'with you?' I did)

7) Not arguing with me when I told him he couldn't be on the internet after I went to bed.

8) Begging me while we were in the store for Digorno pizzas and then when I said yes, going to pick some out and THEN coming back empty handed because he felt they cost too much (I used to be the cash cow, who's only purpose in life was to buy him whatever he wanted)

9) Conversation on Sunday Afternoon
He: Who was that on the phone? Dad?
Me: Yeah
He: What did he want?
Me: He wanted to pick you up early.
He: When?
Me: Now.
He: But! But! I'm having FUN!
Me: I told him no, that we had plans.
He: Good!

10) Hugging me TWICE in front of his dad and the girlfriend when I dropped him off.