Yes, it's me, I'm here. No, things haven't gotten any less busy, BUT I think I need my 'ME' time. I've started to do a little better on my priorities - not working myself to death and yet still getting a lot done. I figure I can take a few minutes to update here.

The big news. Peter quit his job! After being dicked around for so long by them I finally got him to agree just to say 'screw you!' and turn in his resignation. Even after that they kept asking him to stay, but not fix any the issues he had, and the reasons he gave them for quitting. Oh well. Now he's working full time for me. Heh. He's working full time on our two businesses. Hopefully one of both will take off soon and we'll have a little extra income. I'm hoping they both take off this year so that by the end of 2005 I'll be able to quit MY job. That's the plan at least.

In other news I'm making the big push to lose weight again. I'll not detail THAT struggle here. You can check out MY weight loss blog over in the links.

I'm off now to go read up on what of some of my favorite people are up to!

two days in a row - whew!
I'm just breezing by. As if I wasn't busy enough I just got a call from the ex saying my son was injured at school today while playing football. Yay, nothing like being 130 miles away from your children and hearing one of them is hurt. BLEH. The ex says he'll keep me informed, but it just not the same as being there. Peter (that's N in case you missed it) says I should just drive down there and BE there. Somehow I'm managing to restrain myself mainly (as wierd as this sounds) out of respect for the ex. He's said it's nothing serious, and that I should panic so me rushing down there would seem a little - untrusting. And in this one case, I do trust him.

In other news I found that card I was looking for, the girl who makes those WONDERFUL barrettes? so go - check her out Circle Works

As for me, well I cut my hair yesterday, figures, I get a barrette that works and I just cut it all off.. Heh.

OH - and it's Hump Day - so truth and dare is in order.

Any questions?

I'm back - I think
I know, I dropped off the face of the earth, (I hate when people do that!) but I've been busy. (I hate when people say that!). Seriously though, I've hardly had time to breath. The reason? Well I took a second job. One that's ended up totally consuming every moment of available time I have. Fortunately, it's one where I can set my own hours, unfortunately, I'm an overachiever and was setting a pace that would have soon killed me!

Last night `Peter' (That's my new name for N - I'll explain in a bit) and I had a talk about this. I'm a pretty driven person, and truthfully there's a lot of reasons why we could use as much extra money as possible. Add on top of that the recent development with the ex moving into the Tashma hall and well... I've been driven. But, other things have suffered. I don't have time to even pick up after MYSELF, much less do my share of the housework. I'm working ALL the time, from the time I get up at seven until I got to bed at one or two in the morning. Needless to say this has had an effect on our - quality time. And I DON'T like IT!

Something's got to give. Here's the score...I'm unhappy with my full time job. I love my part time job. My part time job won't support me. At my current pace I can't continue to do both. *sigh*

The good news is that I'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the world and when I mentioned to him that I felt the part time job was taking too much away from `us'. His answer. "You're doing something that you love, I don't think you should give it up. You just need to get a little better balance."

He's so right

And, why does my honey have a new nickname? Well, I got tired of calling him "N". All the cutsie nicknames just seemed so... not right, so I had to come up with something different. He calls me `Punkin'. You do the math.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I've been busy, REALLY busy, and when I'm not busy I'm laying in bed trying to sleep until the alarm goes off.

Yeah, it's been a rough week so far.

I missed Hump Day truth or Day - Sorry! If there is some burning question you need answered - drop me a line and I'll answer it for you.

Tomorrow's going to be as busy as today was, but the good news is N is coming home!

Want ideas for what to do this weekend?

Well, I already told you to go visit a garden or ride in a tallship, but for a change of pace you could try International Jousting Championshiops.

I'll try to give a more detailed post after I get home tonight - maybe.

High/Low Lights of the weekend
Friday
Worrying that any second the ex was going to change his mind and not let the kids come over for the weekend - Low
Not being able to pick the kids up until 10:30 because M had practice until 8:30 - Low
Having all the kids SUPER excited to see me - High
Having S say "I just don't know if I can get used to sharing a room again" - REALLY Low

Saturday
Taking the kids school shopping - High
Finding that the week AFTER school starts the selection is CRAP - Low
Finding EVERYTHING on sale - High

Sunday
Taking my son to his first ever Scottish Highland Games - High
Getting so dehydrated I almost fainted - Low
Having M want a souvenir so badly he was willing to skip lunch to save money - high
Getting him lunch AND a souvenir anyway - High
Getting to see Shannon Hartnett compete (http://www.shannonhartnett.com/) - High
Having N say he wouldn't mind me looking like her - Big Time High


Monday
Having to get up at 4:30 am so that I could take C to Water Polo - Low
Watching the sunrise with C while we drove - High
Having my daughter thank me for driving her, and for coming to her game - High
Being so tired and grumpy that I had to drop the kids off early - Low
Seeing how REALLY nice the ex's new house is - REALLY low
Talking to C on the phone and having her say `just get home safely Mom' - High, High, High
Having a long evening with my sweetie before he left - High

Today
Dropping off my honey at the airport this afternoon - The lowest of the lows

Photo Friday - Simplicity

I really struggled with what to submit, but kept coming back to this one.

So you want to know why I have music on the brain
Now Playing: Dr Hook's Sloppy Seconds
I'm sure it's happened to you, or maybe someone you know. Grandma passes, and you get her silver tea set, when what you really wanted was her mink stole which went to your aunt Wanda who promptly sold it at a garage sale because she had `always hated the ratty thing'.

To prevent this, our family has a tradition; if you want something you say so. While this may seem a little crass, it's really not that hard, you simply say "I would like to have that when you're done with it." This not only saves you from saying, "When you die..." but allows them the opportunity to give it to you pre-mortem as well.

Recently I mentioned to my Mother that I would like to have their record collection when they were done with it. Some of you might wonder what I would want with my parent's record collection. The only way I can think to explain it is to say that for me, those records are my childhood. Growing up we didn't have a TV and so music was playing in our house constantly. While most families spent their evenings with the Brady Bunch, we sat in the living room and listened to Pink Floyd or the Doobie Brothers.

So, you can imagine my excitement when my Mother got back to me and said I could have the records NOW. There was one caveat; my step-dad wanted them burned to CD first. And thus started my mission, researching and then securing software that could easily pull songs off of vinyl and transfer them via laser to plastic. The other day I let my Mom know I was ready. Next week they will be bundling the turn table and over TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY records up and sending them to me. I can hardly wait.

Because we were talking about Music
I have a question for you all. What's your favorite 'break-up' song. Any genre, any artist...

I have two:

"You Ought to Know" by Alanis Morissette and
"Ugly Girl" by by Fleming and John (if you don't know this one, check out the lyrics Here

The odd part is that I've never been dumped by a guy (I'm too careful - dump him before he can dump me!) so I'm not sure why I feel I relate to these two over any other. Perhaps it's because I would like to think that if I WERE to experience it, I would be as angry and as loud as these two songs and not just fall into a big blubbering heap.

Knowing me - the blubbering heap is much more likely!

Thursday Sillyness and Linx
I just did something incredably fun and completely silly. I just set up my cat on Caster. If your 'special friend' isn't of the feline variety try Dogster

Her profile is here: Imbri

And because I like to keep you all informed...

Looking for cool stuff to do in the bay area this weekend?

You could go to the previously mentioned Filoli, Ride the Hawaiian Chieftain, or come join MrWonderful, the kids and I at the Scottish Highland Games in Pleasanton

Music Makes the People Come Together...
Mood:  lyrical
I was twenty-two the first time anyone dedicated a song to me. I had gone home to see my Mom graduate college, and after the ceremony I ran into one of my good friends from school. We had rode the bus together to and from school and he had stood by me through Jr High when I was dealing with the `Super Nova Bitch Pack'. Later, in high school he had dated my best friend, and they had eventually gotten married.

We decided to go out and `catch-up' and while I had invited my Mom and Step-Dad and he his wife, they all declined and we found ourselves alone in a bar reminiscing. He was still married and they were expecting their first child. I was married too and just had my second child the year before.

As we sat in the bar and talked about love, life, old times, and other things we soon found we had renewed and reinforced the friendship we had shared before. The conversation moved from the bar, to a restaurant and eventually to his pickup truck in front of his house. We never kissed or even touched, unless you count the time he brushed the hair out of my face or the hug goodbye, and yet we both felt guilty non the less. It was obvious we had shared something.

I wrote him a letter on the way back to California, but never sent it, thinking that was the end of it. But then I got a phone call.

"What radio station do you listen to?"

He then went on to explain that he had a message for me and he wanted me to be sure to listen. I can't quite pin-point the reason it meant so much to me . Maybe it's because I relate so well to anything musical, or it could be the words of the song themselves.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I knew somebody like you.

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I don't want to fall in love. (This girl is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't want to fall in love. (This girl is only gonna break your heart)
With you.*

Someone was dreaming about me?

Nothing came of the relationship. We remained with our respective spouses (for the time being) and went on with our lives, and yet I never forgot that I was dream worthy.

Years later another gentleman dedicated a song. Not just to me, but to `us'. We had met on IRC (yes folks I was an internet chat addict), and immediatly hit it off. We met daily and chatted for hours. I'll admit here and now that he was my best friend, and as unlikely as folks think it can be, I was in love.

I was (still) married and knew that though nothing `physical' was happening, I needed to walk away. So I did. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. So hard that it didn't last, and because of my `coming and going' he dedicated the following to me.

Missing you... I've been missing you... missing you,
I've got the roses, I've got the wine,
With a little luck she will be here on time,
This is the place we used to go,
With romantic music and the lights down low,
And as you stand there amazed at the door,
And you're wondering what all this is for,
It's just a simple thing from me to you,
The lady that I adore, 'cos there's something,
That you should know, it's that
I've been missing you, more than words can say,
And that I've been thinking about it every day,
And the time we had just dancing nice and slow,
And I said now I've found you,
I'm never letting go; **

And another line that just jumped up and bit me:

You see if I think you are beautiful,
Someone else is going to feel it too,

I would love to tell you that eventually I got strong enough to do what I should do and end the relationship. Unfortunately, fate did it for me. In May of 1998 my best friend stumbled while coming home late one night, fell down a flight of stairs, and died.

And to that man I say:

Thank you for thinking I was beautiful. You were right, someone else feels it too, and even though I'm happier then I've ever been before; I miss you too.



*Chris Isaak "Wicked Games"
**Chris De Burg "Missing You"