My goodness how time has flown.
Nothing really turns out as you would expect - but then we all suspect that. Peter's bid to 'work for me' has turn into a bust. There's a lot of reasons for that.
1) We didn't plan well financially. We always said that we needed to pay off our bills (like cars and credit cards) before we did something like this. But, we convinced ourselves that we could make it on my income alone - We couldn't/didn't.
2) Peter's a perfectionist. Our business is webased and he's been working on our website for six months now... That's right, six months! He's rewritten in in three times.
3) Fear of failure. I think this is the major reasons for the rewrites and delay in launching. Peter's a lot like me. He kind of feels that if I never tried, then I never failed. So, we sit on a 99.9% complete website that he continues to tinker with, no customers, no income, no savings and every credit card maxed out.
Needless to say, he's going back to work. The difficult part of this is that he's in IT. And jobs in IT are not exactly easy to come by around here. Especially not entry level jobs. In the past month of and a half, he's had a couple of opportunities that seemed really close, and then fell through. One company dicked him around for over three weeks - letting us feel like there was a real hope there, and then finally telling him 'we hired someone else.' Luckily we've got friends and family who are there to love and support us in our time of need. If worse comes to worse we'll sell one of the cars. We're not going to end up in the streets.
To add to all of this stress, in April my client let me go. Now, this isn't in the sense that I work for a company who pays my salary weather I'm at a client or not, it is very scary. Especially since my company wasn't exactly doing well at the time. Add the factor that the client wasn't really saying 'WHY' they were letting me go, four months before my contract ended, and I was one STRESSED out chick!
Two weeks back into the office and I got called into the bosses office. I was told they didn't feel like they had enough work to support me, but that there was a 'non-consulting' position available they would like to offer me. Oh, and by the way - it's a salaried, non-bonus AND a cut in pay. Now, understand we were already struggling because of Peter's 'work from home' position. AND in being sent back to the home office, I was having to pay $200/month in commuting costs. I got them to meet me 1/2 way in the difference in salary.
I'm still trying to figure out if I like the position or not. I feel as if 90% of my capabilities are going to waste, but I also see a potential for great things to come of this. It's the potential that keeps me sane. there are days though when I feel like I've just taken a 16 year set BACKWARDS in my career. I told my company that I would give the position one year to mature. It's going to be a challenge as I already find myself sneaking looks at the want ads.
Other then being broke and hating my job, life is good. Peter and I are still madly in love with each other. We celebrated four years together in May. Even with all the job stress and lack of money we still see each other as our refuge. As long as that's the case, life is good.
I'm still fat ;)
The kids are good. C (my 17 year old daughter) passed her driver's test last month. Nothing in her lifetime has ever signified the fact that 'she's growing up' as much as that has. She starts her Sr year this year - then it's off into the big wide world. I'm so excited for her! M (my 14 year old son) starts high school this year. He's planning to play football (with a LOT of encouragement from his dad-Richard) I can't say as I'm happy about it, but what's a mom to do other then pray - a lot... My baby girl, S (11) starts Jr High. She's still sweet, loving and incredibly naive. In a way I hope she never changes, but I'm also afraid that someone's going to take advantage of her some day. Again, what's a mom to do, but give her some advice and pray... a lot...
I may try updating here a little more often. I don't really have friends, and kind of need the outlet. The struggles with money and my job, and dealing with an ex who still makes me want to throw things (mainly him) some days make me want to curl up in a dark place and never come out... letting it out like this is cathartic.
Have a happy 4th a July.
-S
Posted by parttimemom
at 1:29 PM PDT
Updated: Friday, 1 July 2005 1:42 PM PDT
