He did it again!!
So we're sitting on the couch together after I got home from work. His arms are wrapped around me, my cheek is resting against his chest, when I notice his breath has gotten deep and regular. I look up and sure enough, his eyes are closed and he's fast asleep! He roused a few times enough to switch positions so that we ended up with me sitting on the couch with his head cradled in my lap and for him to murmer "You wanted to spend time togher...." before dropping back off to sleep, but that was the extent of our interaction for most of the evening. I eventually replaced my lap with a pillow and got up to do a few things around the house. I was getting gloomy and frustrated again. More then gloomy really, down right DEPRESSED. Finally I sat down in a chair and gave myself a STERN talking to. I was just SO tired of feeling blue. I was dwelling on the stupidist things and just becoming more and more drawn into myself and a misory of my own making. I started getting MAD! And I realized, mad felt GOOD! so I got MADDER - so much madder that I ended up mentally screeming at myself "ENOUGH! STOP FEELING THIS WAY!" And you know what it helped. That and a two mile run and I was feeling MUCH MUCH better, and amzingly it's continued. Everytime I start to spiral down into dark thoughts, I grab that burning kurnel of anger and give it a little shake. For now, that's all I've need to need. Threaten the whinny bitch that lives in my head with the angry bitch that all too often I leave locked up in a dark and secret place. I may need to take her out and excercise her more often.

So, today I started taking action. I grabbed the credit card from my honey and went to the mall by myself. If he can't be bothered to stay awake long enough to take me shopping, I'll just have to make my own decisions. I'm pretty sure the dress will be a hit - when I tried it on with a proper bra and some control top pantyhose I was really happy with it. Then I went out prowling for shoes, and found the perfect pair! Not only were they perfect they were on clearence for $14!! All that's left if for me to figure out what I'm doing with my hair. I practiced with an idea last night, and I may perfect it tonight so that by Saturday there's not ugly surprises waiting for me.

Oh - and I think I'm going to get my nails done. :) Going all out ;)