It's been three years!
In honor of the third anniversary of the day we met I thought I would put together "The story of us."

In April of 2001, I had been separated from my ex for over year. It was apparent to ME that things were over, but not him. I had been dating people during this time, usually no more then once or twice. I dated one guy more seriously but it was a `mediocre' and `safe' relationship. I knew he wasn't my `soul mate' and I broke it off. I didn't LIKE being alone but I was ok with it. Being alone was better then a relationship that didn't `fit' and I had pretty much stopped looking. Still, when the ad came to the house for a place called "Great Expectations" offering a better quality of dating then the internet or hanging out at clubs, I figured "what the heck?"

I ended up signing up for their program. I took pictures, made a videotape (all the hokey dating service stuff) and then started the `search'. I remember when I came across N's profile and picture. I remember exactly what attracted me to him. First, one of his pictures showed him making a face and hanging himself by his tie. To me, this was a sure sign of an excellent sense of humor, and someone who didn't take himself too seriously. There were several things on his profile that caught my eye. One, he was in the computer industry, just like me. Two, he mentioned his love of British Humor, something I also enjoy, and once again affirming his sense of humor. Third, was the statement he made that his favorite characteristic on a woman was her eyes. He said that a woman's eyes were like a gateway to her soul. Yes folks, I bought it, hook, line and sinker!!

The way Great Expectations works is you put in a request to meet someone, they check your profile, see if they want to meet you and then answer back to the company who then gives each participant the other's number. I can VIVIDLY remember the day I came home and HIS name showed on my caller ID! I was SO excited! He had said YES! After playing phone tag a few times we managed to get each other of the phone and from that we decided that we were compatible enough to meet. Since I lived in `the city' and he a few miles away we decided to meet in the city that very night Thursday, May 3rd at 8:00pm. He let me choose the location and after checking a few sources I choose a place I called "The Groove".

I got there first. I have to tell you there are few things worse then arriving at a location and waiting outside for a blind date. I was excited, annoyed, confident and afraid all at the same time. Worse, was the fact that when I got there I realized that the place was called "The GROVE." Duh! He found it ok despite my faux pas. When he arrived I didn't even recognize him. My sweetie is one of those guys who looks like two different people when shaved or not and while in his pictures he wore a goatee, when I met him he had shaved. It was a little shocking at first but I got over it. We looked at the menu for a bit and realized we did not want to eat at the groove/grove, no matter WHAT it was called. A quick stroll down the street brought us to Burger Joint and we went inside. We got along famously, chatting as if we had known each other our whole lives. Once inside, N ordered a milk shake and we started looking at the menu. In about 30 seconds we were both laughing because even without saying a word somehow we KNEW that we were going to walk out of the place without eating there. N peeked at me over the menu and finally admitted, "I really don't want anything here either." I just nodded, and he drank his shake as quickly as possible so we could try somewhere else. Believe it or not we actually ATE at the next place we stopped.

Later that night we sat in the courtyard of my apartment complex just laughing and talking. In my mind, I had just met a VERY good friend, and I had pretty much convinced myself that he was only ever going to BE a friend because he never made a move. We finally said goodnight at 2:00am. Our first date lasted 7 hours.

We talked on the phone a few days later (Sunday) as I was driving home from visiting my kids. He wanted to see me again, and, of course, I wasn't going to object. The second date was just as GREAT as the first, with an added bonus!

When he pulled up in front of my apartment to drop me off, we started talking, and talking and talking, and the night got later and later. Finally, mid sentence I realized he was staring at me, with this funny look in his eyes. For the first time I got a CLUE. He DID like me in that way! My mouth went instantly DRY and I couldn't look him in the eye. I suddenly felt like I was in high school behind the bleachers. This giggly little school girl who had never been kissed. I kept laughing and covering my mouth. He smiled and pulled my hand away murmuring that I was cute when embarrassed. I laughed, embarrassed and tried to cover my mouth again. He didn't let me, and instead leaned in and gave me THE KISS, the one that stole my heart and changed my life forever. It was as if I had finally plugged into this enormous power source and was suddenly running as I had been intended to, while my life before now I had been trying to function on double A batteries. I froze then started trembling and I swear fireworks went off! When the kiss ended I had to wrap my arms around myself, I was shaking so badly. I felt like I was going to fly to pieces! After I recovered, we kissed again and it was even better then the first time! The date ended at 6:00am and all we did was kiss and talk.

The next Wednesday he invited me over to his place. He cooked dinner, we watched a movie and FINALLY got to the `good parts'. `IT' was just as amazing as that first kiss, and three years later, continues to be so. One month, almost to the day, we moved in together, but at that point it was just a `legality'. We had rarely left each other's side, with him at my place, or me at his nearly every night.

Underscoring all of my happiness is this. I was alone before, I'm not afraid to be alone again. And yet I choose NOT to be and I am SO happy with the choices that I've made.

Happy Birthday To Yooooooooooou!
My little guy is 13 today! *sigh* How did this happen? How did I end up being the mother of not one, but TWO teenagers!? It's so, not me! When will the madness end? (maybe in 10 years when my youngest turn 20?) The funny thing is I don't really manage to elicit much sympathy. C went through the whole "Mother, you're so NOT COOL!" phase at about 12. At 16 she's so 'over it', and I would like to think we're pretty good friends. After all, when a 'friend' asked for her number so that he could call her over spring break, I was the first person she called to giggle about it with. Maybe it's because I'm a 'part time mom'. After all my kids are with with their dad 80% of the time, so I don't have to deal with the day-to-day "do you're homework, clean your room, and you're not wearing THAT" stuff. Not that life at my house is all 'fun and games' as Richard would like to believe. They still have to do the dishes at mom's house too. But I digress from my digression. The topic at hand is M who turned 13 today. He's a pretty cool kid too. He's in Jr High, and plays baseball and scoccer. His last report card was all "B's" except for an "F" in Math, that we've already talked about and are taking care of (Yeah he thought he would 'punish' the teacher by not turning in his homework - sure showed HIM didn't he?) He's stuborn, yet cute, a good dancer, and usually has a girlfriend or two to hang around with. Pretty much an all around all american kid, and I'm pround as hell of him!

Happy Birthday Buddy!

Neighbors, Scottland and More TMI
While dinner was simmering last night I stepped out into my backyard with a glass of wine to enjoy the amazing weather we've been having. I heard a quiet "Hello.." and turned to find the male half of my neighbors was enjoying HIS backyard as well. We're only separated by a 3.5' wrotiron fence so it was pretty simple to wander over and chit-chat for a little while. The thing is, I'm not really sure how to take my neighbors. First off my neighbor looks like this guy I used to date. So much so that I swear they are twins separated at birth. Despite this I always manage to be a picture of decorum whenever we run into each other in the backyard or while both leaving the house. He's an extremely intelligent and eclectic man who's fun to talk to, and I think we could probably be friends, BUT whenever his girlfriend is around he clams up. It's the WIERDEST thing. We'll be standing there, talking and/or joking and suddenly he'll perk up and go... I think D's (his girlfriend) awake or her car will pull up out front and that's the end of the conversation. But, last night, while we were talking his girlfriend came the back door and announced, "N is home you two better break it up!" I think my jaw dropped to the floor. All I could think was... WTF!? It kind of pissed me off really, insinuating that I was involved in something I was trying to keep from my honey. In retrospect I realized that I probably DO run off every time N shows up, just because I would rather be talking to him then anyone else in the world. But her little snide remark STILL pisses me off.

In other news (don't I always have other news?) The Dr's visit was GREAT! My blood pressure was an amazing 110 over 70. I had one moment of panic when the Dr said "Sorry my hands are cold" and I thought OMG is she reading my blog? But then I realized that she probably just said that to everyone. Probably my only complaint was that she was a talker. Excuse me, but I REALLY don't want to talk about my JOB or think about the folks at work while I'm laying there with my `soul' bared. Really! All is good though! I've got my lovely pink pills back! Of course I can't start taking them until my period starts - I don't think I've EVER looked so forward to my monthly! Finally, we can have a `spontaneous' relationship again!

OH! And Scotland (and our wedding) may not be a distant dream. I actually looked at plane tickets the other night and for the time we're looking at going I could get tickets and a rental car for two weeks for $2000! That's tax, insurance and EVERYTHING! I might actually be getting married this year after all. Which is a good thing because I'm SO tired of people asking me "When are you going to get married again?" I have NO idea why the fact that we've been engaged since January 1st 2003 bothers people so much. Is it the fact that we're happy? Are they afraid that we'll spoil it for every other engaged couple? Are they waiting to get married so we can just get started being MISERABLE already!? (After all arn't all married couples miserable?) Weird!

Is TMI a mental illness?
I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror at work and realized how un-Californian I looked. For one thing, my body is far from bikini ready. Ok, maybe `far' is understatement. Barring plastic surgery, I've got at least a years worth of work left to do. Secondly, I'm no longer a blonde. I recently went for a change of pace and dyed my hair red. Not that blonde's my natural color either, but before it at least had the `allusion' of California golden coast goddess. Lastly, I am WHITE. I'm talking, `you should take off those white hose, oh they aren't hose' white. I need some SERIOUS sun time. The ironic thing is, every time I think I'm going to be able to have some `fun in the sun', like the three days off I took a few weeks back, the clouds roll in, and I'm stuck looking at cloudy skies. What is up with that? I think it's some sort of cosmic karmic payback... or something.

On a positive note I get to go see Dr. cold fingers for a yearly female check-up tomorrow so I can back on birth control. YAY! Ok, so the check-up thing's not fun, but birth control - YAY! As a matter of fact I have to wonder at the mental capacity of a Dr that can't seem to figure out why my blood pressure reads high every time I come in for a visit when it so low that I'm at risk of being declared DEAD when I visit my General Practitioner. Am I the only one who believes that Doctors should be required to take courses in basic logic, or at the very least be able to complete one of those `logic problems' that show up in the games magazines? You know the ones that start out "One week five bachelors agreed to go out together to eat the 5 evening meals on Monday through Friday..." But I digress. I get to go back on birth control!!! (provided I my new relaxation techniques can keep my blood pressure low enough for them to get at least ONE reading in the `normal' range) This means free-for-all frolicking in MY household is sure to ensue. I can hardly wait! Hmmm, this may call for a celebratory strafing of Fredrick's Hollywood!

Dare I say the word... Career?
Work has suddenly become an entire new environment. I have this project, and it?s a BIG project, and I get to run it. I get to lead meetings, write memos, draft project plans. All the stuff I trained for and I?m LOVING it! I wish this was what I did all day every day! Wait it IS supposed to be my JOB. HELLO! Oh well, if I can pull this project off (and I can?t see why not) I?m hoping to see a LOT more of this kind of work come my way. Enough projects like this and my resume? will be fat (or should that be phat?) enough to perhaps get a few offers from a few other companies. My stock is going UP! And I couldn?t be happier about it.

I love you because part II
6. You'll drive miles, in the dark and rain to bring me money so I can put gas in my car.

7. While watching "Coyote Ugly" you'll mention that "The one in the middle is the best looking of all of them" (said "one in the middle" being Maria Bello playing Lil, the 30 something bar owner, and not one of the 'barely legel' 20 somethings strutting on top of the bar)

8. After mentioning said "one in the middle", you add "You know who she looks like don't you? Look at that JAW!" (have I mentioned that I have a strong jawline?)

9. After watching "Coyote Ugly" you complain that NONE of those girls were as good looking as Carrie-Anne Moss. (Who looks even MORE like me)

10. You'll turn off the Victoria Secrets fashion show after commenting "Everyone on of those girls is UGLY! They are WAY too skinny, they should go out and eat a doughnut or something".

How to test the love of your life mate
Just as your honey gets home and is settling into the couch, call him and say "I don't think I have enough gas to make it home and I forgot the credit card. Can you meet me in **** (20 miles away) and bring the card?"

Now do this not once, not twice, but THREE times in the course of six months.

If you really want to administer a test, try this:

5:00pm - call your sweetie and remind him of the `thing' you have to attend for work. Mention that you aren't feeling well, and don't really want to go, but you feel you should at least make an appearance.
12:00am - after applying copious amounts of alcohol at several locations finally call to check in. Get scolded for making him worry and be informed that he drove 100 miles round trip slowly scanning the roadside for your twisted and broken body. Cry. Tell him you're sorry and that you'll be home in about an hour. Hang up not sure you've been forgiven.
12:30am - Call again, still sobbing, to inform him that you don't have enough gas and that you lost your wallet somewhere during the night. Ask him to meet you in the city (60 miles away) and please bring the credit card.

Do this FIRST so that every time you call him to bring the card thereafter it's NOTHING compared to the first time you did it!

Yes, last night was one of those nights that I had to call N and have him come rescue me. He did, once again, charging over the hill on his shiny black steed. God I love that man!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon - HA!
We are poor unfortunate souls who have no washer/dryer hookups inside our apartment and thus are doomed to periodically (ok, more like once a month) enter the hell that is...the Laundromat. Trips to the Laundromat are put off as long as possible at our house and usually only become a priority when one or both of us are going commando. (yes, you read that right, we own enough underwear to last a month). That time hit on Friday night when N casually mentioned his `lack'. "I guess it's time to go to the Laundromat then" I answered. "Yeah" he answered back without much enthusiasm. That's as far as it went. Saturday, we got as far as sorting the clothes and loading them into my car, but that was it. Today at about three in the afternoon we realized we could put it off no longer, so off we went.

I'm not sure if it's like this everywhere, but every Laundromat I've ever been to is, well, GROSS! The floor looks like it hasn't been swept or mopped in a century or two. Portions of the tiles are missing in places, and there is a glaze of unidentifiable crap down the front of every washer, looking as if they all had spent the night on a bender and ended up sleeping in their own vomit. Have I mentioned that I hate the Laundromat? N and I both sat there wondering, where are the Laundromats that you see on TV, the ones immaculately maintained and full of beautiful people washing their silken underwear? Instead, we're stuck watching the homeless lady put lipstick on using the reflective surface of the pay phone change box, and the little pregnant Mexican lady with 5 kids who was dropped off by her husband and can barely carry the laundry from washer to dryer, much less chase down her two year old son who running screaming around the washing machines. Did I mention I hate the Laundromat? Oh, and did I fail to mention that it was 91 degrees here today?

On a positive note, my son called me again today. It's like someone took the angry, terse young man that's been living in his body for the past three years and gave me the little boy who used to sit on my lap every night before going to bed back. To give you a clue as to what our relationship has been like:

*ring*ring*
M: Hello?
Me: Hi! It's Mom!
*pause*
Me: Hello?
*pause*
Me: Hello?
One of my girls: Hi Mom!

Yeah - that's right, he couldn't even be bothered tell me `hold on'.

And yet in the past two days he's called me three times, and when he figured out my cell phone battery was dead, he called the house, just to tell me how his games went. I'm a happy mom!

And this entry makes me VERY happy that I'm 35, my youngest is 10 and N and I are NOT having more children despite those around us commenting on what beautiful babies we'd make (including my 10 year old daughter).

Snip Snip Snip little April Sniping
It's been a strange couple of days. N and I have been sniping at each other since last night and I can't figure out if it's him or me that's the issue (or both of us for that matter). Not that it's causing any damage. As a matter of fact I've never felt this calm in the face of our unrest before. It's like my confidence level in our relationship has shot upwards. Maybe his has too, and because of that we feel like we can air these little annoyance - ones that we probably would have kept to ourselves only just a few weeks ago. Either way it's got me a little off balance, though not essentially unhappy. I do want to keep an eye on it, make sure we don't get into a habit of snapping at each other. Overall though, I think it's a pretty healthy thing.

One of the major things that has us frustrated is money. We spent WAY too much of it on 'fun' stuff this month and not nearly enough of bills. Somehow we managed to drain our savings (not that it was that full anyway) and we're having to use part of our tax return to catch up some bills! All this means that Scotland is looking further and further away *sigh*. I don't suppose anyone wants to send us a wedding gift of plane tickets to London? Didn't think so. The good news is, we sat down and worked out a SERIOUS budget. Usually, I'm the one who does the budget and he just tells me "Whatever you work out sweetie". Not THIS time. I made his sit by me and give his input the entire time. This way it's OUR budget and not MINE. With all the bills now caught up it SHOULD be pretty easy to stick with our budget, but then something ALWAYS comes up, doesn't it?

So - that's life right now

For your amusement I desided to start a few lists. They may start out small, but I promise to add them as thoughts come up.

My first list is:

I love you because: (*extreem mush alert ahead!*)

1. You let me keep my socks on when we make love so that the blocks of ice that are my feet don't come in contact with your skin and interupt us during an importing 'moment'.

2. When you do come in contact with my cold feet or hands, instead of yelling or making a fuss you express concern that I've gotten so cold and and let me warm them on some convient spot on your body,

3. You leave out my vitamins in the morning so I won't forget them.

4. You grab my hand or arm when we're walking and there's a step or rough spot of ground ahead of us because you know I'm such a CLUTZ that I'm going to stumble and/or fall

5. You hold my face and just look into my eyes

Now that you're all ready to gag! I'll leave ;)

In case you're wondering
I'm ALLLLLLLL better. N came and picked me up for lunch and I greeted/petted and generally, adequately expressed my joy at his presence in such a matter that we were both satisfied. I may even get laid again tonight.. woo hoo!

Work just got better too. I'm not sure if I can explain this adequately or not, but I'll give it a go.

I'm a project manager, but I spend a lot of time crusing the web reading web logs because the company I'm consulting at really has no idea how to use me. I write monthly reports on projects I have no real authority over as they are 'lead' by someone else. Half the time, I'm not even the person writing the report! Very frustrating and I feel as though I lose another skill daily.

Then today I was called into a meeting. I was a little worried because it was with my manager's manager (AlphaManager) and we were supposed to talk about one of her 'pet' projects which I had been 'put in charge of'... several months ago, but nothing had happened on, because (as I said) I had no authority. I basically just sat around and waited for folks to report to me that they had done something. Granted there were always REASONS things weren't happening, but there was nothing I could do to get the ball rolling. For someone like me who likes to be organized AND in charge it's been really frustrating.

Anyway- back to the meeting, it turns out she was aware of the situation as it really was (not as I was afraid she would perceive it) and wanted to clarify things. She also had removed all the obstacles for this project's kickoff and was looking for it get moving.

She's amazing to watch operate. When she wants something she doesn't TELL her managers that she wants it that way, she simply keeps asking questions until she gets the answer she wants and then acts like it was the manager's decision. Such was the case today. This particular project was conceived by an incredibly bright and ambitious "Network Engineer". AlphaManager was obviously worried that Network Engineer wouldn't be able to pull the project off alone, as he is (albiet very good) a technical guy. AND he's VERY VERY busy keeping the production network running. So, her question was "Who's going to lead this project?" Betamanager answered "Network Engineer is the lead." She then countered with "So, what's (My)'s role?" Betamanager thought of it for a while and made several tries to give an answer she liked, to no avail. Finally he said "...Well, Network Engineer is the TECHNICAL lead on this". You could almost see AlphaManager swoop in for the kill.."And (My)'s role?". The glee on her face was unmistakable to me, she had him where she wanted him. Finally, reluctantly he answered "I.. guess... Project.. Lead?" Now, don't get me Wrong.. BetaManager is an AWSOME guy, and I love working for him, but we was worried that Network Engineer would be upset at being dropped 'down' to "Technical Lead". What he didn't know is that like most Technical guys all Network Engineer really wants to do is "Technical Stuff". Writing Emails, composing reports, coordinating and communication all go against the grain of his very geekiness (and I mean that with the utmost respect). So, when we met with Network Administrator and he was OVERJOYED that he was no longer Project Lead, all became right with the world. I made a point to say that we were 'a team'. And that I was not 'his boss', just to make sure there was NO latent resentment.

So, my world is pretty rosy right now.