The day I got a CLUE
Last night the moodiness started again, but I realized FINALLY what was causing it...

As I've mentioned before N is sick. Well, not sick per se, but he has allergies. We're not talking garden variety allergies either. Yes, he has itchy watery eyes, sneezing and all that other stuff, but he also, on occasion starts having trouble breathing. Asthma like symptoms. On top of all this, and it's a rather weird `allergic reaction'. (even the Dr's can't explain it) he gets acid reflux. If you've never had acid reflux, DON'T bother. It's like heartburn only much much worse. For one, antacids don't help. And you know those burny icky burps everyone gets once in a while? He gets those EVERY time. So, he lays down to sleep, having trouble breathing through his nose, struggling with his chest tightening up, and then.. "urp". Up comes the acid. Then because he's having trouble breathing, he'll usually involuntarily takes a breath and breaths IN that acidy air which burns his lunges and he starts coughing, gagging and struggling to breath even MORE! Luckily he only suffers like this for a month or so during allergy season. The other months of the year, he's fine.

Now, anyone who's been ill for any length of time, realizes what this does to you. You get wrapped up in yourself. Especially when you're struggling to breath, and you feel like someone has shoved a blow torch down your throat and turned it on. Pain does things to a person.

That's not to say that he's been ignoring me. He tries really hard to keep things `normal', but I'm not getting the level of attention I'm used to. And it's left me feeling a little vulnerable and insecure. (Ok - so I'm a child.. sue me!) One thing we do REALLY well 90% of the time is make sure our world revolves around the other person. It's a mutual arraignment that I like - a LOT - thank you very much! And he's been slipping on his end of the arraignment. What's funny is as soon as I thought through all of this I felt TONS better. It's not me! It's HIM! He's not reacting normally because he's not well, not because he isn't head over heals in love with me as always. HELLO!!!

Needless to say, these revelations have helped a LOT. I immediately tipped him into the nearest bed and made sure he was having a LOT of difficulty breathing.