There are few things I miss about my marriage. (Ok, next nothing) But there is one thing I've discovered I currently lack, friends. And I don't mean the people necessarily, after all most of them were `his' friends, but the concept of it all. The being able to call up, and go for ice cream, or a movie or even just hang out at each other's houses.
Don't get me wrong. N and I are best friends, and I really don't need someone to confess my whoas. or bitch about my life too. But it's those `activity partners' I miss, the folks that gave you a reason to go out and do things, because you were doing it with someone and you couldn't flake out on them.
It's not like I've ever been very good at the friend thing. In my adult years, most of my `girl friends' were people I worked with, and when the job went, so went the friend. I also had `church friends', and `couple friends'. But with the divorce, I drifted away from most of them as well. My best friend before I met N was a `work' friend and we actually managed to stay friends after I left that job, for a while. But she never was very reliable. I'd call her, we would make plans, I would drive over to meet her, only to call and find out she had gone to spend time with her family, or something like that. Needless to say, we haven't seen much of each other in the past three years.
My current position doesn't really lend itself to making friends either. I'm a consultant, an outsider in most places, not someone you invite over for drinks after a day at the office. And the people who are actually part of my company? I see so little of them that there isn't much of a point.
N's isn't the best at friendship either. One of the myriad of things we have in common. His best friend (J)? The weekend before N and I met, J took N out, got him drunk and confessed that he was gay. The gay part wasn't an issue, but the fact that J had been lying to for two years was. And the one time we tried to all go out together after that? Every time N would leave, J would be all OVER me. I finally had to tell the guy to knock it off or I was going to kick his ass.
So, that leaves us where we are now, alone together. And while not an entirely bad thing, I still find myself wishing, now and then, that they had a website for people like us. Couples seeking `hangout partners'. Heh - yeah.
Posted by parttimemom
at 3:34 PM PDT
