Your file has been saved
I wish I could backup my brain to disk. I mean, think how useful that would be.

Like last night, I was laying in bed awake, and had managed to compose the PERFECT blog entry. All I could think about was how I wish that right then and there I could download that entry and save it to disk.

And then there are other uses. People like my mother who have, due to the use of certain substances, and working nights and raising four kids, (though I think really it was the Dope) years in her life where her memories are like trying to watch HBO, scrambled. Some days they are rather clear, and others you don't know WHAT you're watching. It would be so cool to save my clearer sharper memories of those years. Memories of my brothers and sister as babies, and be able to give them to my mother. What a mother's day present THAT would be!

And what about the elderly, those with senility or Alzheimer's? If, say once a year, they downloaded their memories to disk, when they started to lose those memories they would have them always to replay.

But then I thought: What would be worse - losing your memories, or watching those you had saved and not recognizing that they belonged to you?

Linxies
Everyone hurry over to Here and check out the very D&D appropriate songs my Buddy the Bearded Troll has written - guarenteed to be a giggle!

Yeah - I can so relate!
I just found my most favorite blog - EVA

Illuvatoar

The wheels on the bus go round and round
I was reading Dooce recently (Ok, not RECENTLY I've read her for a while now - every day) and noticed that she?s been talking about traveling with little ones. This brought back some memories of mine that I thought would be fun to share.

I spent 10 years in Wyoming with my Mom and Step-Dad while most of the rest of my family lived California. Because of this, about once a year we would journey to California, and because we were po? folk we would either drive or take Greyhound.

This was before the airline deregulation, and because of that air travel was expensive and the people on the bus were a much broader spectrum of society then they usually are today. But it wasn?t any more comfortable. We would get on a bus one day, and usually spend two nights on board before arriving at our destination on the third day out.

The trip I?m thinking of in particular, was with my Mom, my brother who was about three, my other brother who was about one, and me. I was probably eleven. Even though well planned, the trip had it?s ?moments?. We?re talking three and one year old little boys here, and though we tried to keep them calm and entertained, they at one time or another were to be found, climbing on the seats, running up and down the isles and/or driving a car across some stranger?s knee.

Most folks were rather patient. It probably helped that my mom was young and pretty and obviously worn out. One man was particularly kind. When the three year old sat in the seat next to him, and then fell asleep he didn?t say a word. When he wiggled and squirmed and, as a three year old who?s sleeping usually does, stretched out to take all the available space he simply let him sprawl across his lap. When my brother peed in his sleep and left a urine smelling wet spot down the front of his pants? he only screamed a little.

Is it Monday already?
Mood:  lucky
4:00 Friday N and I were on the phone doing our 'normal' routine...

Me: What would you like to do this weekend?
N: I don't know do you have any ideas?
Me: Not really... any ideas yet?
N: No, you?
Me: No... you know we don't have any kids tonight for the first time in AGES I think we should do SOMETHING
N: But we don't have any money!
Me: Well... We do have XXX even after paying for the car repairs
N: Really? a Well let's DO something then.
Me: I think it's your turn to deside
N: Alright - I'll go home, through some clothes in a bag and we'll drive to Tahoe
Me: OK! see you in a few!

And we did! By 6:00 we were on the road and by 10:00pm we were in Reno (slight change of plans enrout) It was fun to be so spontanious, though we didn't win a cent! I was kind of bummed at how tight the slot machines were. I got on a craps table and managed to play for a long time, but didn't win any money (broke even)

Saturday morning we started for home. We left Reno at about 6:30am as I was supposed to pick up the girls at Ikea and the ex had said he would be there 'when they opened'. So I called when we were almost home. They hadn't even LEFT monkeytown yet. I told C to call me when they finally got to Ikea. that ended up being about 2:00pm! BUT it gave me a lot of time to catch up on the sleep I had lost the night before. Spent most of the rest of the afternoon shopping - woo hoo loads of fun!

Sunday we desided to head to the beach. It gave C a chance to try out the bathing suit we bought on Saturday. The beach was great, though we did have an exciting moment when mediflight tried to land on the beach next to us. It seems some gentleman had collapsed. He eded up being alright. The water was FREEZING as is normal for Northern California beaches, but we made the best of it. When we came home we grabbed some pizza and C and I picked up some 'girl stuff'from the store. We then sat around and watch black and white movies while giving each other facials and eating pizza. A great ending to the GREAT day.

Today - WE GOT THE VAN FIXED!! yay yay yay! We now have our vehicle back, I am SO happy! Took it for a drive after just 'because'. Ok, actually took the little one down to get her hair cut since she's been begging for a while now...

OH and I bought tickes for a show for C and I. It's her 16'th birthday present....Cavalia

this is just another example of why I love my man so much...

Saturday on the way to pick up the girls, we drive past Golden Gate fields and notice they are setting up a tent. As we get closer we see the sign Cavalia! I mentioned that I had wanted to take C there, but 1) I thought we had missed it this year, and 2) they were EXPENSIVE!

So on a lark I went to this web page today - it was breaktaking. From there we 'of course' checked prices and WHEW! it was expensive as I expected. And what does N say? Well he hands me his credit card and says "Get tickets for the two of you... and get a VIP tickets, because this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing and if you are going to do it, you may as well go all the way..." Did I mention that the VIP tickets were $169 each? HAH _I_ have tickets for opening night and I get to take my daughter and she's thrilled! Ok - I'M TRILLED too... I'll give a full report after - I assure you.

And that gets you up to date

How did they know?
Topic: Quizes

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

I don't wanna and you can't make me
Topic: Quizes

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

To all the men I've 'loved' before
He was almost thirty, married, so smart he was intimidating, and good looking. Not GQ good looking, but the kind of good looking that attracts almost every women and makes men question "what's he got that I don't?" He listened to Rush Limbaul and Ollie North every day, watched Start Trek at night, and was mysteriously stoic. The kind of man who drew a woman in, making her hope that SHE would be the one to crack that intellectual exterior to find the tender, warm man you knew was hiding inside.

I was twenty-seven, married, had three children and had yet to discover the power of self confidence and attraction of self esteem. I was shy and amazed when, while talking to him, he would listen to and value my opinion.

He was my boss.

I often wondered, if we had met under other circumstances if things would have been different. But, he was always businesslike, appropriate, a model of decorum. I maintained the illusion, though my thoughts about him were rarely businesslike or appropriate. I spent my days hyper aware of him. Anytime he spoke to me, I hung on to every word. If he leaned close to me to point out something on the computer, I could feel his presence as acutely as if he was a flame instead of flesh and blood. My skin would heat up and I would have trouble focusing on whatever he was pointing out or explaining. As far as I know, he never knew. If he felt anything in return,he never showed it.

And yet, he was the best affair I never had.

Midnight Musings
As I was laying in bed last night TRYING to fall asleep for the fourth night this week I started thinking. As is normal for my post slumber brain it started down some really bizarre paths.

So, I started thinking. What if life was like Final Fantasy.

No, I don't mean everyone running around with a sword, and monsters pop up everywhere unexpectedly.

No, I don't mean that sin has taken physical form and is terrorizing the planet.

NO! I don't mean that we can use magic and call fire from our fingertips... though... that would be cool.


OK, so I don't really mean I wish life was like FF, but there is one aspect of it that I wish we could bring into the real world.

Would you shut up and let me finish!

Ahem. Let's say you're a project manager.

Yes, I know you're not a project manager, I'm a project manager, but let's just say you are one ok?

Ok, then you can be a fighter pilot

Ok, a Policeman

Ok, a Pirate

Ok... DAMN IT! No! You're a project manager.

ANYWAY. Let's say you're a project manager and you come to work each day, and you slay your monsters...

Yes, I KNOW I said there WERE no monsters, I meant that metaphorically, can I go on now?

So, you go to work each day and slay your monsters......

And for slaying monsters you get experience points, and as you gain experience points, your skill levels go up and eventually you get to `level up' and now you're a level TWO project manager. As you continue the tasks get more complex, but that's ok because you've got more skills, and you get even more experience points.

The best part is that you would be able check up on your experience points and you could see how far you are from getting to the next `level'. Leveling up would have consistent and constant requirements instead of John and I having the same experience points and HIM being a level 5 Project managers, and I still on level one.

But life isn't like that. Instead I'm stuck here, bored out of my skull with the skills needed to tackle the boss monster, and only being allowed into foyer of the castle. And still wishing I could shoot fire out of my ... fingers.

Can we talk?
There are few things I miss about my marriage. (Ok, next nothing) But there is one thing I've discovered I currently lack, friends. And I don't mean the people necessarily, after all most of them were `his' friends, but the concept of it all. The being able to call up, and go for ice cream, or a movie or even just hang out at each other's houses.

Don't get me wrong. N and I are best friends, and I really don't need someone to confess my whoas. or bitch about my life too. But it's those `activity partners' I miss, the folks that gave you a reason to go out and do things, because you were doing it with someone and you couldn't flake out on them.

It's not like I've ever been very good at the friend thing. In my adult years, most of my `girl friends' were people I worked with, and when the job went, so went the friend. I also had `church friends', and `couple friends'. But with the divorce, I drifted away from most of them as well. My best friend before I met N was a `work' friend and we actually managed to stay friends after I left that job, for a while. But she never was very reliable. I'd call her, we would make plans, I would drive over to meet her, only to call and find out she had gone to spend time with her family, or something like that. Needless to say, we haven't seen much of each other in the past three years.

My current position doesn't really lend itself to making friends either. I'm a consultant, an outsider in most places, not someone you invite over for drinks after a day at the office. And the people who are actually part of my company? I see so little of them that there isn't much of a point.

N's isn't the best at friendship either. One of the myriad of things we have in common. His best friend (J)? The weekend before N and I met, J took N out, got him drunk and confessed that he was gay. The gay part wasn't an issue, but the fact that J had been lying to for two years was. And the one time we tried to all go out together after that? Every time N would leave, J would be all OVER me. I finally had to tell the guy to knock it off or I was going to kick his ass.

So, that leaves us where we are now, alone together. And while not an entirely bad thing, I still find myself wishing, now and then, that they had a website for people like us. Couples seeking `hangout partners'. Heh - yeah.