Why I hate my ex Reason #5698
Mood:  irritated
Someone explain this SHIT to me....

My son calls me a few minutes ago just to shoot the breeze, he then asks me if I've talked to his Dad about WHEN they are going to come over, because he's been begging me to come over on Wednesday.

Me: I haven't talked to him yet, but I need too.
Him: Are you going to talk to him now?
Me: Sure, why not?
Him: About when we are coming over?
Me: Yeah
Him: Oh... Don't tell him I said anything - ok?
Me: Ok Bud, no problem... I'll talk to you later ok?
Him: OK

So tell me. What's up with that!? I know Richard did a number on those kids. Making them feel guilty for wanting to spend time with me, for wanting to see me, but STILL!? FEH!! I wan to hang Richard up by his nards right now, really I do!


Update:

Just talked to "Richard" and he informed me "You need to talk to those kids because I told them that they couldn't go with you if they didn't have their room packed..."

Excuse me!? You're moving at the END of this month and they can't come over for COURT MANDATED visiting because you can't get them to do chores... WTF!?

I think I'm going to have an aneurism now

Ok - this is the WIERDEST thing I've ever seen - I put in my username and THIS is what I got..

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Strength
In a survival situation, you:	Do what is necessary
Your hidden talent is:	Adaptability
Your gift is:	A loving heart
In groups, you:	Are the entertainment
Your best quality is:	Your protectiveness
Your weakness is:	Your coldness
Quiz created with MemeGen!

all I can say is it's 100% true! really really strange :)

The quality that most appeals to you: Strength
Yep - and we're not talking about body - we're talking about mind and emotional strength. I think it's an exceptional quality.

In a survival situation, you: Do what is necessary
That's exactly me. When it comes to surviving, I do what needs to be done, this includes changing my whole persona to live 13 years with someone I shouldn't have spent more then one date with...

Your hidden talent is: Adaptability
I think that's partically covered in the above comment. But it's true in other situations as well. When I with a group I'm a camileon, doing what's needed to fit in.

Your gift is: A loving heart
That's me tough on the outside all sweet an gooey on the inside

In groups, you: Are the entertainment
I'm the public speeker, the star of the karaoke machine the 'is everyone having fun' gal

Your best quality is: Your protectiveness
I love the people I love to be happy and safe and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure they stay that way.

Your weakness is: Your coldness
This is true on several levels. I'm the 'icy cold hands and feet' girl :) I'm also not an easy person to get to know in person. Yeah, I'm nice, I'm friendly, I'll laugh with you at all the appropriate places, but I also often come across as cold and impersonal. Some of it is shyness, some of it is an overwhelming need to protect myself, and some of it stems from me not wanting to burden folks with my own personal BS, because well see the above NEED to protect those around me.

Luckily for me N was one of the few people who were able to see through and blow away that outer layer. He never 'requires' me to make him happy and sometimes even insists that I take care of myself before him. He doesn't get jellous when I'm being 'entertaining' And he's my pillar of strength on every level...

As I've said before, he's my perfect mate and my other half, and I thank God every day that I've found him.

MEME Propagation Test
This posting is a community experiment started by Minding the Planet to see how a meme represented by a blog posting spreads across blogspace, physical space and time. It will help to show how ideas travel across blogs in space and time and how blogs are connected. It may also help to show which blogs are most influential in the propagation of memes. The original posting for this experiment is located at: Minding the Planet; results and commentary will appear there in the future.

Please join the test by adding your blog (see instructions, below) and inviting your friends to participate - the more the better. The data from this test will be public and open; others may use it to visualize and study the connectedness of blogspace and the propagation of memes across blogs.

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(this GUID enables anyone to easily search Google for all results of this experiment. remove any spaces that have been used). Anyone is free to analyze the data of this experiment. Please publicize your analysis of the data, and/or any comments by adding comments onto the original post at Minding the Planet; Note: it would be interesting to see a geographic map or a temporal animation, as well as a social network map of the propagation of this meme.

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To add your blog to this experiment, copy this entire posting to your blog, and fill out the info below, substituting your own information in your posting, where appropriate.

(Note: Replace the answers below with your own answers):

I found this experiment at URL: What's Up With That?
I found it via "Newsreader Software" or "Browsing or Searching the Web" or "An E-Mail Message": Browsing or Searching the Web
I posted this experiment at URL: More Then You Ever Wanted to Know
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I dun a good think
One of the guys I work with (We'll call him LB), though a REALLY nice guy, does some pretty bone-head things when it comes to his wife. Because of this, I try to help him out from time to time.

He's about my age, and they have been together for over 8 years, so it's not like she didn't know what she was getting into when they married. Still, I feel badly for her, and HIM. As I said he really is a NICE guy.

So, yesterday, I was sitting there, minding my own business when I realized that I had the opportunity to do a good thing. So I spun around and asked him, "Hey, LB, does Mrs. LB like horses?"

As I expected, I got a positive response. So, I sent him This Link about Cavalia.

While a bone-head, LB is NOT stupid and he saw this for the opportunity it was. Within a few minutes he had his credit card out and was buying tickets to the show. I've rarely seen him so excited about something. He spent 20 minutes trying to find the BEST seats.

And then (because I'm nice like that) I mentioned "Since you're going to the early show, you could go to dinner after".

You've never seen someone's face light up so quickly. "Yeah! Dinner!"

I'm starting to think EVERY man needs a friend like me... Anyone volunteers to take on my fiance?

The rules are this:

1) You must have NO designs on my man WHAT SO EVER! This is the hardest part because, I SWEAR every girl he works with would rather bang him then help ME out.

2) Drop hints now and then about cool, romantic and exciting things to do or go see. This is especially important around Valentines day and my birthday.

3) Keep a running list of 'Get out of Trouble Free' ideas - although in three years he's NEVER EVER had to buy me an 'apology' bouquet - still it's a good idea to have something planned just in case.

Applications now being accepted ;)

The Longer Version (with photos)
I'm finally back - I was really busy at work today planning my vacation next weekend.... I mean, working very hard on all those things they pay me to plan! Yeah, that's it. But, before I start in on NEXT weekend. Let me tell you about this past weekend.

Friday -

Dear Walmart, Please forgive me for abandoning you for so many years!

After my well-documented meltdown on Friday morning, I took a look at all the things I needed to do before going camping, and decided I REALLY needed to get out of the office! So I cleared up everything I could, shut down the computer and took off. My first stop was Walmart. Now, I've been to Walmart a few times in the past few years, but it's usually just to run to the toy section at Christmas time, or through the school supplies at back to school time. This time, since I was on my own I decided to take a little detour.

I think I've documented the fact (occasionally) that clothes shopping isn't the EASIEST thing for me. 1) because I have very particular taste, and 2) because I have trouble finding things in my size. But here I was in Walmart, a place I quit shopping in YEARS ago because of the CRAPPINESS of the clothes, and I was seeing blouse after blouse that I felt just HAD to find a new home in my closet! Yes - I'll admit it, I bought FOUR blouses from Walmart! And I'm GLAD! Oh, and I picked up the electric cooler I went IN there for as well.

After that, there was a trip to Keiser to pick up some `little pink pills' that were necessary to fully enjoy the weekend, a stop at the grocery store, and then the gas station. Then it was home - and we were off. In case you wondered we DID christen our tent!

Saturday -

Well, anyday that starts with mimosas and ends in THIS

is a good one. We didn't actually DO the keg shots but we enjoyed watching. In between all that?

Views like this:

A BBQ and line dancing!

Sunday -

We got up early enough to walk the beach at low tide and check out the tide pools -

Then we headed home and spent the rest of the time recovering!

This place had beaches, hills, fireplaces - the works! It was the perfect place for walking, holding hands, kissing, and talking... we loved every minute of it

The Short Version
This weekend was paid for by my company and as such it was supposed to be a 'bonding' opportunity for coworkers. In that sense it was a failure. But for the reason _I_ went... Alone time with my sweetheard in the company of other adults? It was PERFECT.

Bonds were reinforced - loved reafirmed - communication reestablished.

YAY!

Sometimes my job skills come in handy
Things have been going on - things that I can't seem to articulate. Lately I've been thinking "Why oh Why does this man love me?" and more and more I've been wondering if has the same thought... I can't tell you why I've been feeling so 'unworthy'... Anyway. Today I came to work in tears. I had cried all the way into work and then just sat at my desk sniffling. Finally, I broke down and wrote a letter:

N,

Maybe it's just a pity party I'm having right now. And just as you said, it's probably not attractive, but it's not an act. It's not something I'm doing to garner attention or spite you. And maybe you feel I'm being silly and there is nothing you can do to make this feeling of mine go away. And maybe you're right - but I do feel like there are some things I need right now.

I need you to hold me. I feel as if I'm falling apart here, and you are my superglue. Every time you hold me, it's as if I'll be able to keep from flying pieces, just that much longer. I need you to look into my eye and tell me "I know you're a poop head, but I love you anyway." You see, you used to laugh with me, when I did something stupid, now you get upset and I have to wonder, what's caused the change? And of course my mind rushes to worse possible scenario, because I'm just THAT hard on myself.

I've been feeling less and less sure of myself lately. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I've been struggling with loosing weight again. Maybe it's the hormones. Who knows. I just know, that you used to tell me I was beautiful, and for that moment, I believed that I was. You used to tell me I was smart, and I would think, yeah, I am. You used to tell me I was perfect, and I thought, "No I'm not, but as long as you think so, all is right in the world." But, I'm not perfect anymore. I'm annoying and frustrating. And maybe my fears, and worries are only more frustrating, but I can't seem to stop them.

The two most common fears in the world are dieing and public speaking. Neither of those worry me. What worries me is losing you. And I don't mean just the part where you get so fed up you walk out. No, I worry more about the day to day grind of life, dulling and blunting our emotions until what was once this amazing, delightful thing has been turned to a little puff of dust.

The fear of you not loving me makes me ill, because there is no doubt in my mind that you are my ONE...my ONLY. There is no one in the world who will fit me, fill me, and make me whole the way that you do. Life without you would be dull and incomplete. I used to think that if you ever left me, that I could go back to my life `before'. That I would live alone and be content. But after your trip to Las Vegas, and the Dallas I realized that there was no contentment in being without you. Yeah, I could go out to a club or dinner or anything that I wanted, but there is no where I would rather be then at home, sitting on the couch with you.

This has been long, and convoluted, I know. I thought that maybe writing it would make me feel better, but it hasn't. I'm still afraid, more so now then ever. But I'm going to try to put these things out of my head. I've looked forward to this weekend for Months and I'm not going to let my little pity party ruin it.

I love you - more then I think you realize

S

I sent this email, knowing it would be a while before he got it. The later it got, though, the better I felt, and the less I wanted him to read that email. So I just broke into his email and deleted it.

Was that wrong?

So, we finally had "The Talk" with my daughter
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I have a daughter. (Truthfully, I have two. But only one of them is a teenager. - so far) I worry about her - after all, who wishes the same anxiety and neuroses that we had, on our children? And I was one MESSED up kid.

Overall, I think I've been pretty lucky. She's smart, she gets good grades. She likes boys but isn't obsessed with them. She dresses nice without being a slave to fashion. She has friends but doesn't have the pressure of being 'popular'. She's involved in school (Softball, Water Polo, Drama) but has time for outside activities like Jobs Daughters. And Luckily, she seems to have a pretty good body image. Yeah, she says things once in a while that make me want to pinch her, but overall I would say she's got a good handle on this issue. She accepts her curvy hips, and lack of ass with a droll humour that I admire.

But still, I cringe every time I see her leafing through a teen magazine. After all they SCREEM "You arn't good enough..." from every page. And so I figured it was time for "The talk" I sat her down and started to explain. "Honey, I want to talk about an important issue. You see, those pictures, those women. They aren't real. And I don't want you to start to compare yourself to them, or feel you have to live up to that sort of standard. Then I showed her This . It's a GREAT example of what they DO to those pictures before publishing them in magazines... and if that wasn't enough, check out This and for you men - This

To my surprise, N was even more upset and ultimately appalled by the pictures then C was... Men, don't mess with their fantasies!

Shall dig out my white glove?
At first I thought it was my imagination, or perhaps just a local thing, but then I started seeing it in more and more places. A ruffled miniskirt here, a splash of neon there - and last night it was confirmed. The eighties are back!

How did this happen? Aren't I too young to be seeing the clothes I wore in high school on the teens of today? I think my daughter is getting a little tired of me saying, "Hey, I had a skirt JUST LIKE THAT." 1000 times as we walk through the mall.

I fought against it so hard, but the evidence became overwhelming. Ruffled mini-skirts aside I also saw: Lace tank-tops covered by off the shoulder t-shirts; doubled polo shirts of contrasting colors WITH collar upturned; and the coup de gras? Leg warmers! Someone kill me - NOW

Your file has been saved
I wish I could backup my brain to disk. I mean, think how useful that would be.

Like last night, I was laying in bed awake, and had managed to compose the PERFECT blog entry. All I could think about was how I wish that right then and there I could download that entry and save it to disk.

And then there are other uses. People like my mother who have, due to the use of certain substances, and working nights and raising four kids, (though I think really it was the Dope) years in her life where her memories are like trying to watch HBO, scrambled. Some days they are rather clear, and others you don't know WHAT you're watching. It would be so cool to save my clearer sharper memories of those years. Memories of my brothers and sister as babies, and be able to give them to my mother. What a mother's day present THAT would be!

And what about the elderly, those with senility or Alzheimer's? If, say once a year, they downloaded their memories to disk, when they started to lose those memories they would have them always to replay.

But then I thought: What would be worse - losing your memories, or watching those you had saved and not recognizing that they belonged to you?