Martha vs Maxine
So I'm sure everyone on the planet has seen this but me - but it cracked me up so I'm going to share..



Martha's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Maxine's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Maxine's Way
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Maxine's Way
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up".
Maxine's Way
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

Martha's Way
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Maxine's Way
Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha's Way
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Maxine's Way
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha's Way
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Maxine's Way
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

Martha's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Maxine's Way
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's Way
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Maxine's Way
Leftover wine???????? HEL-LO !!!!!

Geeks on Love
Just overheard at work:

Men don't really multi-task it seems like we're doing multiple things but we're really doing one thing at a time in small increments, alternating between tasks.

Women are REAL multi-taskers they really can do multiple things at once

it's like Men are Microsoft and Women are Linex


------------
And you thought geeks didn't understand women!

Eat My Shorts - Short thoughts that is
Random thoughts from the past few days:

Quick - look there!
While driving home the other day I pulled up to a stop sign. Beside me was a truck stopped in the left turn lane. For some reason activity in the truck made me turn to look at the gentleman driving. He was smiling pleasantly and pointing to the right. Being of a curious nature, I turned to look down the street to the right. At the moment of my distraction the truck pulled quickly forward going STAIGHT from the left turn lane! He waved a thank you and rather then being mad I had to laugh and think "Man, I'll have to try that sometime!"

Girl poop vs. Boy poop

My son came out of the bathroom recently and exclaimed "Phew! Someone stunk it up in there! It HAD to be a GIRL!"

Of course I was quick to defend the feminine nation, "Why does it have to be a girl? Boy's poop stinks too you know"

His answer floored me, "Yeah, but girl poop smells different, and THAT was girl poo"

HUH? Girl poop SMELLS different?!

Eat a doughnut

This is for all of the clothing designers who read my site *snark*

Just because I wear a size 16 blouse does NOT mean that have no sense of style or that I want to dress like my grandmother...

Of course I'm sure, somewhere on another planet is a 75 year old woman who wishes she could find clothes in size 0 that didn't look like they belonged on a crack whore.

I love you too, NOT

When the ex came to pick up the kids yesterday he was on the phone, and as he pulled up, with the window down, I heard him say, "Ok, I've got to go, I love you..."

My first thought?, "He must have been talking to his fianc?"

My second thought? "I just heard him say `I love you' to someone else for the very first time and didn't give a flying fuck!"

YES!

Rage against the Machine my friends
Alright you people! You're slacking. Once again I only have ONE question to answer. You really are making this too easy. Heheheh

Bisous of well, Bisous asks:

"Ever get thrown in jail?"

and then adds:

"as a psychiatrist I ask this question of every new patient in any of the variety of situations I meet them -- and you get the most interesting stories that way"

You REALLY know how to make me feel dull and boring, you know that? I have to say that I have never been thrown nor even quietly lead into jail before. As a matter of fact, the closest I've come to something like that is being sent to the principles office once in the second and once in the sixth grade.

I'm a bit of a pathological rule follower. I suppose it comes from not just RESPECTING authority, but being terrified of it. Also, I HATE being wrong and how more wrong can you be then to get into trouble like that?

But I'll share my two stories with you anyway

Second grade, and we were at recess and the bell rang so we all filed into line. I had been skipping rope and continued to do so all the way too the line and then didn't stop as we started to file into the building. I missed a step, lost my balance, fell off the sidewalk and into a puddle. I have a feeling I was sent to the office more because I was soaking wet then because I was skipping rope, but my transgression was discussed firmly and my parents were called (again probably because I needed dry clothes). Overall, the whole experience was terrifying enough to keep me out of the office for a LONG time.

By sixth grade I had firmly planted myself into the role of `goody two shoes'. But for some reason myself and some other kids got into a shoving match out on the playground. The teacher intervened and we were all questioned as to what was happening and who had started it. By some sort of unspoken pact none of us `told'. The entire lot of us (about six kids) were sent to the office and I was TERRIFIED that I would get paddled. (Yes I went to schools that allowed corporal punishment). I also knew that if I was paddled at school I would get it again when I got home so I was doubly terrified. Instead the principle decided it was enough to keep us all in during recess for the next week, and our parents were never called. Looking back now, I wonder if he didn't secretly admire our resolve NOT to spill the beans. Who knows.

Alright - now it's YOUR turn. Spill your greatest transgressions!

It's Hump Day Truth or Dare
Ha! I remembered - can you believe it?

It's time for Hump Day Truth or Dare - You ask the questions, I'll answer them with as much honesty as possible.

And now I turn it over to you!

The Vacation
First, I must point out that before Cavalia, my sweet loving man bought me a 512MB memory card for my camera, so I took over 300 pictures in three days, and STILL had room left. Whoo hooo!

Friday was a nightmare of getting 6 people ready to go for three days. By the time we were ready to leave I was tired and cranky and needing a vacation more then ever! But we got on our way 5:30 Friday Night.



The trip down was pretty uneventful; a lot of driving in the middle of the night with a bunch of sleeping kids.

We ended up pulling into our campsite at about 2:00am. So we didn't disturb the other campers we slept in the van.

About 7:00am we set up camp and with 6 people to help we had things ready to go in NO TIME.

Then we took showers and headed to the Mecca: Mission Beach! To say it was crowded is an understatement, but it was hot, beautiful and worth every minute of driving. The kids had a BALL. They swam, made sand castles and even made a friend. (Yes my son got her email address)

We ate dinner out and got back to our campsite after dark. That lent itself to a night of cards and dominos by the light of the propane lamp.

Ok - so N, C and I played cards while M, S and IB played play station in the tent. (ah the modern day camper)


We decided to take it easy on Sunday. We started out by watching a movie, then taking showers and getting ready to go. The first indication of how the day was going to go came when I reached into my bag and found what I had hidden in there... water balloons! We girls filled up a few and soon the first shot was fired and the war was on.

What started out being boys against the girls ended in a free for all

that culminated in N emptying the ice chest over the heads of the kids.


Then it was off to San Jan Capistrano Mission. I was worried about this part of the trip as you never know what four kids as varied in ages as ours are will find interesting. BUT, between the beauty of the gardens,

the architecture
,
the history

and (don't ask me why) the underground canals for porting water
,
there ended up being something for EVERYONE.

Because of the water fight we had gotten a late start on the day, so after the mission tour it was getting kind of late. The kids were a little disappointed that they didn't get any beach time, so we found a nearby spread of sand and let them out. It didn't occur to us that there weren't many swimmers until later. My Son discovered the hard way WHY. The beach was rather rocky and not much good to swim in. But we enjoyed ourselves anyway, watching the surfers,

the pelicans

and a tall ship sailing by
.
Oh! and sandcastles again (of course)

C informed me that she wanted to make this trip again next year, so I would have to say that it was a rather successful day.


On the drive home we picked up all the makings for smores. We got back to our campsite, started a fire and toasted us some marshmallows! Then we played cards and generally enjoyed ourselves once again. The best news of the night came when C called her dad and found out that she didn't need to be home by 6:00 on Monday like we had originally thought - that gave us ONE MORE DAY! Yippy.


Monday N and I woke up before the kids.

Finding a moment alone while your staying in a tent with four kids can be a challenge so we took the opportunity to take a walk through the park we were staying in. It was so nice to be completely relaxed and holding my sweeties hand, a true refreshing moment. The only downside? He was obviously coming down with something - ick! Still, we managed to make the most of the day. N woke the kids up with a warning and then eventually a squirt gun. We packed and sorrowfully bid our campsite goodbye. BUT, we weren't done. One more chance to see the sites couldn't be passed up, so we spent a little time at the wildlife preserve in La Jolla
.
At one point there was an area where some people had had a wedding or something because there were rose petals scattered on the ground. C insisted on taking our picture at the spot. And we discovered tha San Francisco is no the ONLY place where you can put some flowers in your... hat.


Even sick N took the lion's share of the driving. We ended up pulling into the house at 12:30am. He put the car in park, looked into all our sleepy faces and said. "You guys can unload the van, I'm going to bed!" and he did! And we did! Once everything was at least unloaded I fell into bed as well.

My observations?

1) Southern California is just as lovely, easygoing and fun as I remembered it
2) SoCal drivers are (amazingly) even worse the NorCal driviers
3) I really really really love the warmth and sun
4) Smog sucks

My kids loved it down there and there is no doubt that we could all EASILY fit into the beach bum lifestyle. My son was dieing to try his hand at surfing and had already adopted a surfer boy `look'.


N confessed that growing up he had intended to move to San Diego (but the ex wife changed those plans). I too had a desire to live in Southern California so we may end up there for a while AC (After Children).

Oh - and the sunburns? Why is it only the girls got them?


AS for today? Well, N is home sick. I'm sunburned but rested and pretty happy. I did some soul searching while driving and everyone else slept and I've decided that life's too short to be unhappy. I can sit around and whine about it, or I can do something about it. This may mean a major job change and some major priorities changing soon. We'll see if I can hold onto this feeling. This feeling that the current discontent I've been hanging onto is going to dissipate. I'm feeling this kernel of hope and I want to nurture it and see what it grows into. I'll keep you informed...

Cavalia
Thursday night I left work early to take my daughter to what was going to be an experience of a lifetime. The excitement built in both of us as we go closer and closer to our destination and when the white tent rose into view, it was almost unbearable. We pulled off the Freeway and there was the first sign, bright orange, with the word "Cavalia" printed on it and a big arrow pointing us in the direction we already knew we had to take.

We pulled into the parking lot and had our first "VIP" experience. "Parking is $10 unless you have rendezvous tickets." I flashed my tickets, and got through for free and then was directed to the VIP parking lot. My daughter couldn't stop giggling as we passed employee after employee who immediately adopted a more differential attitude when they saw our tickets. "I could get used to this!" she said more then once before the night was through.

The rendezvous tent was all we had expected and more. As soon as we walked in they asked us if we wanted a free program or a stuffed horse. Of course, C took the stuffed horse (even at 16 - wouldn't you?) I took a program so we ended up with one of each. There was a drink table set up in one corner and a table loaded with food in another, all FREE! The mix of people were eclectic and we entertained ourselves by guessing what the various people did and why they were here. The couple dressed in matching `cowboy' gear were rich horse owners here for the glimpse of horse flesh. The man in woman in dress and coat and tie were here for the `culture'. The woman and her daughter were here to see the pretty ponies! And so on.

Then it was time for the show to start. We had our own entrance and avoided any lines by walking right in and almost directly to our seats. The seats were AMAZING. We were only 5 rows back , but even then we were close enough to be able to toss a paper onto the stage had we chosen to. The anticipation was almost unbearable by now, and made even worse by the fact that the show started 30 minutes late. In the end it was worth it. It was everything it advertises to be and more. Breathtaking, beautiful, a marriage of man and horse that goes beyond words and at times even comprehension. There were times when the horses were running free on the stage when it literally brought tears to my eyes. I think I spent over half of the show with my hands covering my mouth in amazement. My only complaint (if you could call it that) was that, at times, there was so much going on, that I felt as if I was missing things. Of course the fact that I spent most of the show watching the horses and ignoring the humans probably meant that I did.

I would give this show five stars. The only other production that I feel has left such an impression on me was Phantom of the Opera. A MUST SEE!

After the show we got to visit the stables and that was nearly as exciting as the show. The only down part of that was that we were asked not to touch the horses. To be that close to all the horse flesh and unable to caresses it was almost painful, especially when one of them pushed his head over the stall and started nudging me with his nose. I wanted to never leave! But eventually we did and I think we floated the entire trip home.

(I'll try to post a few pictures when I get home)

Back
Hi Folks!

I didn't drop off the face of the planet! I went on a well needed and deserved vacation! I'll be back with photos and commentary soon!

Truth Or Dare
You all can thank Liz from This Fully House as she saved you all from a long boring chapter of my life years 0-3.

Anyway - Liz who also was playing Truth or Dare on HER site yesterday (how strange is that?) asks: "What is the craziest thing you've ever done..drunk or sober?"

And since it's the only question I'm going to give a very LONG answer

Interesting question: My first thought was `Getting married at 18 - 2 days after graduating high school' (And THAT, my firends, is not fiction - Fact or Fiction is a game played on ANOTHER web site) But then I realized that was the STUPIDEST thing I've ever done, not the craziest.

So, then I had to go to `drunken' antics. Right after my divorce I went through this `wild faze'. I started hanging out at a karaoke bar - about, um.. EVERY night. (Mainly because I LOVE being up on stage and the center of attention.) The nice thing about a karaoke bar is that there tends to be a `regular' crowd and many of the people there are present for something OTHER then drinking and picking up a member of the opposite sex. (Not that that sort of stuff doesn't go on as well)

Because I became a `regular' there I started to accumulate a `circle' of friends. The `core' of this group was three girls (J, R and Me) and two guys (N, and M). One time we had been hanging out ALL night, and then went to breakfast after the bar closed down. We were tipsy, a little giddy and feeling just a little `naughty'. So, after saying our goodbyes we girls climbed into our car and started to conspire. Simply flashing the guys wouldn't do, after all these were FRIENDS of ours. I really don't know who's idea it was... I SWEAR it wasn't me... Really! Heh. But as we pulled away, the guys were greeted to the sight of three bra being swung around in circles out the windows of the car while three slightly drunk women whooped and hollered into the sunrise. The guys swore they had never seen anything like it, and that they would NEVER forget that night.

Now, many might say another night was my craziest. It was some special occasion. (I can't remember what) and the drink had been flowing pretty freely. I was standing outside, supporting and being supported by another regular, when she grabbed the top of my bustier and pulled it down screaming at some guys walking past "Hey... are THESE REAL!?"

I don't consider that MY craziest moment because - _I_ didn't do it. She did. I even ignored the guys when they asked for another look to better judge. I SWEAR!

Other `gems' during those days?

One night this fellow who OBVIOSLY thought he was gods gift to women, slid up to me, stood close and murmured, "I've been watching you, and I'll bet you could ROCK My WORLD"

I smiled coyly at him and then turned to my friends and got their attention. When they were all looking my way I pushed my hair back from my face and earnestly asked them, "Hey, does it say F*ck me on my forehead?"

He didn't seem to think that was as funny as the rest of us did.

Another night while talking to a guy that was not nearly as annoying. *smirk* He reached over, grabbed my hand and then ran his fingers over my nails before asking... "Are those real?"

I laughed and told him "No, they are fake, but their the only part of me that is..."

I knew we were going to get along JUST FINE when he tipped his head back and LAUGHED his ass off.

Later that night we nipped out back to snog a little. My friends started looking for me and we had a great time dodging them in the shadows and then pausing to grab a kiss or two before they found us. Eventually my friends gave up and went back inside, and we weren't long in following. Everyone asked us were we'd been and we answered that we had been out for a walk. But then my very best friend J piped up. "I know what you two were doing! You were Dumpter Diving!" From that night on, anyone who ducked out back to kiss was known as a Dumpster Diver.\


so, I've spilled my guts. It's time for some of YOU to share YOUR stories!

Please, say it isn't so
Several times in Costco today, I picked up an item, held it for a moment and then put it back thinking, "I don't really NEED that."

Whaaah? Since when does NEED EVER come into play when I wan't - I wan't - I wan't something?

Does this mean I'm *gulp* growing up!? Noooooooooooooooo!

I assure you that 'maturing' is the LAST on the list of "things I want to do before I die" and being that I tend to procrastinate I had fully intended to 'put it off until tomorrow' even longer then that.

So, I desided that I must be ill, and I'm now going to lie down with a cold compress over my eyes until this bizzare behavior STOPS!