It's the Philidephia experiment all over again.
Excuse me? Can you help me? Because I thought it was August. You know, still SUMER! But I seem to have gotten sucked into some sort of time warp, because today, while I was walking through Costco I saw... Christmas Decorations!

I mean, really! I'm a big fan of the holidays. I love them, but part of their appeal is that they happen, well, during the holiday season. If every day was Christmas then it becomes everyday. Doesn't it?

Now, I always pishaw-ed at those folks who grumped that the decorations came out in October. After all, I'm about ready to think in shades of green and red at that point. The air is getting chilly, leaves are turning, the hills are starting green, it's practically winter. (You have to realize that living in California, rain and the leaves turning is about the ONLY signs of winter we get) I'm all ready to drag out my down coat and moon boots!

But August!? Common folks! It's 97 bloody degrees outside! A green and red train with snow on the roof just doesn't quiet... fit. And holly wreaths covered in lights? Sorry, they clash with my bikini.

I never though _I_ would be saying this but Bah Fucking Humbug!

Another conversation snippet from my life
Me: Where do you want to go on vacation?
N: I don't know, what do you think?
Me: Well... I think I would like to go somewhere and STAY there, use it as a base.
N: OK
Me: It should be somewhere that we can do outdoor things, if we feel like it, or cultural things, or go out on the town, if we feel like it.
N: Honey?
Me: Yeah
N: That's where we live
Me: Oh, yeah...

The post where I don't tell you about THAT
I had a comment on an earilier post that I felt needed a longer answer. I also didn't want this to get lost in the comments so I'm answering here...


Hi parttimemom. I just wandered by and read your blog, assumed that, as a blogger, you want feedback, so I'm leaving some. My thought, as I read this page, was that the ONLY good thing about divorce, is that you don't have to have that same fight anymore. Your blog reads like you still have that same fight, every day, in your head.
How you live in your head drives how you live in your life, and the more you color your new life with the anger from your old life, the more you help recreate the unhappiness that you are trying to leave in your old life.
So, dumb as it sounds, there is that old saying about
"God grant me the courage to change what I can, the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference".
Instead of being unspeakingly angry about the weekend schedules with your ex, draw up a schedule, run it by the lawyers and the court, and stick to it. It'll make you happier, and reduce your kids uncertainty about when they will be seeing you. They may be as quietly unhappy about the 'lost weekends' as you are.
I hope this is helpful to you.



Dear Reader,

I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for stopping by and please come back again. I promise not every post is about how much a pain my ex is.

I wish things were as simple as getting a court order and sticking to it. I have a court order, and in most situations that would be enough. But my ex likes to get his way, and when he doesn't he can get vicious and vindictive. Because of this, I have a tendency to tread lightly around him. Trying to bulldog my way through, insisting on my visitations and rights, nearly cost me my kids. I'm not about to risk that again. So, I quietly put up with his little games, grit my teeth and thank God every day that I got away from him and that my relationship with my kids wasn't permanently damaged by the crap that went on before.

Perhaps one day I'll write about how much it hurt to read a Mother's Day card signed "Happy Mother's Day even if you are only a part time mom" or the pain that comes when the son that HAD to end every night with a snuggle in your lap tells you that he wants to divorce you like the kid on TV did, or when your baby looks at you and says "You left us, and if you loved us you would come home so we could be a family again".

I'll talk about parental Alienation syndrome. How the courts nor a counselor can protect your children from it. I'll detail the time my daughter sat, sobbing and asked her dad, "Will you hate me if I go? (to mom's)".

Then I'll explain how you'll do anything, even put up with crap from your ex to get a card that says "You are my mother, but you are also my friend", or have your son lean in and give you a hug, with BOTH arms for the first time in two years, or have your baby say "When I come home, you know at your house, can we make rock candy?"

Yeah, maybe one day I'll tell you about that...

Because you NEED to know more about me, Me ME!
From Genuine


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Bah!
Don't you just love coming into work, and listening to your coworkers talk about the various parties they attended at each other's houses that you WERN'T even INVITED to!?

Yeah, me too

Conversations with my Knight
N: So Richards getting married September 18th!?
Me: Yeah, can you believe it?
N: So, do you want to run down to the courthouse and get married so we can be first?
Me: NO!!!
N: Good! You know, I'm so glad you arn't that kind of person
Me: Me too

Conversations with a talking donkey
We came home on Sunday to find a message on the machine from my Son "Mom? Mom, are you there? Hello! Hello...." And then finally "Call me when you get this"

It scared me a little and I called right away. The first person I talked to was my youngest daughter and she had `lots' of news.

S: Mommy, Winkey died!
Winkey was the ginue pig my oldest rescued from an abusive situation and was trying nurse back to health and find a new home for. Apparently it had taken the entire day to die and S was pretty upset about it. We talked about that for a while before she moved on to more pleasant topics.

S: I got my bed set up, you know the one with the head and foot board. I put on my comforter, the blue and yellow one and my dresser is set up!
Me: Wow, that's great! So you're getting to sleep in your own bed again? The one I bought you?
S: Yes.
Me: You have room for it this time, even with C_____'s stuff?
S: what? Oh no, I have my own room!
Me: You do!?
S: Yes, and I get to set it up any way I want to! M___ is sharing with D___, but their room is more like two rooms in one, so it's not REALLY sharing.

I did a quick calculation and then just HAD to confirm...

Me: so, your new house has FOUR rooms?
S: Yes, and a study room for us to do our homework in.

At this point I would LOVE to say how happy I was, and how excited for the kids, and a part of me is, but at the same time there was this sick little tendril of jealousy. We live in this little two bedroom apartment with barely enough room to turn around without bumping into each other and Richard Cranium gets to live in this two story, four bedroom mansion! FEH!!! I could live in a mansion too if I wasn't paying HIM 1300 dollars a month! (breathing deep: ten, nine, eight, seven...)

I figured now was a good time to change the subject so I started asking about the next time they were going to visit. The ex had said earlier in the month that he wasn't sure how visitation was going to go this month, because he needed the kids to help move. (yeah, this happens a LOT, but I don't complain about it NEAR as much as I should) But since the kids were telling me that they had ALREADY moved I thought they may as well visit on MY WEEKEND. How unreasonable of me...

The ex must of heard our conversation because he got on the phone.

RC: Hi, I guess the kids told you we've moved, blah blah blah, I wanted to give you our address blah blah blah blah blah, I guess we'll see how it all works out, blah blah blah.

Finally he gets to it

RC: About this weekend, we're pretty much moved, but we're going to have a garage sale this weekend, and I know it's your weekend, but I really need the kid's help.

"Um, EXCUSE me!" I'm thinking. YOU'RE having a garage sale and it's MY problem? Oh GOD how I wish I could say these things to his face. But no, I'm a `keep the peace' kind of person. Don't make waves, just make sure the kids are happy. So instead I say, "Uh Huh".

RC: You can have the kids over Labor Day weekend instead. Three whole Days!

Oh yes! Let me bow down and kiss your toes. Uh, on second thought those things are nasty, no thanks! So, asserting myself just a little I say something like.

M: So what's September's schedule look like? Are the kids going to get to visit?

RC: Oh yeah they can visit! Well, we're getting married in September, so I'll want the kids that weekend, but you can have them every other weekend if you want.

WTF!? Married!? HA! And he bitched me out when I met N saying we moved too fast. WANKER.

M: Oh, when is that? So I know not to make plans.

RC: September 18th, but that was my weekend anyway, so that's not a problem.

Oh so when it's YOUR weekend I'm not allowed to make plans, but when it's mine, it's ok for YOU TO?

Maybe I'm being unreasonable. I'm willing to hear someone tell me that I am. Really! As a matter of fact, it might make me feel better. Someone tell me he has every right to do this so that I can stop feeling like such a doormat every time he does!

ANYWAY, When I finally got to talk to my son (who, I was told, had been wiring up the dryer - EXCUSE me, my 13 year old son is playing 220 volts?) it turned out he had been calling because he had gotten a phone call that made him worry that my phone had been stolen, it hadn't.

The oldest chatted with me for a while too. Her `love' still doesn't know she WUBS him though they talk on the phone every other day or so. She's already planning a `grand entrance' at winter formal as she has a staircase to walk down, and her new room has a balcony.

A balcony!? - Man, I suck...

Just another weekend in paradise
The weekend started with promise, no kids were scheduled to visit and everyone was cured of their various ailments. For once, the promise was fulfilled.

Friday night was a recovery night. Storing up our energy for the weekend ahead. I made pork chops, veggies and baked potatoes and we sat and watched Hell Boy. I liked it!

Saturday morning started with a nice long snuggle. Hunger finally drove us from our bed and we cured that with a quick batch of French toast. After that, we hopped in the car and started our adventures. A drive down the coast and we ended up at our first planned destination, Filoli. This estate was built by the owner of one of the largest gold mines in the world, and it shows. The mansion has over 40 rooms and every one is a work of art. The wood paneling, marble fireplaces and ornate - EVERYTHING were amazing. And the house isn't even the best part. For botanites like us the real treat was the six, yes SIX acres of gardens. Even at the end of summer, there were blooms to admire, but the actual DESIGNS of the gardens shine through no matter the season. We could have gotten lost in there and lived happily ever after.

The drive home was mostly spent in companionable silence. We do that a lot, ride along, holding hands and catching each other's eyes now and then. It's a nice place to be. We grabbed dinner at a pub chatted about business plans and basically enjoyed being able to have a beer and a burger without having to entertain anyone but each other for a while.

Sunday was another slow morning started with pancakes, eggs and bacon, the works. We took our time gathering our things together and then headed out for some geocaching. Eight hours of hiking later, we were tired (or should I say TIRED?) but happy. The wetlands were amazing, the sunset original, and the company beyond compare.

The only down side to the weekend (beyond the conversation with the ex on Sunday night?) it made getting up and heading into work today harder then ever.

Just call me MacGyver
As I've mentioned before, I'm a consultant and I don't work AT the company I work FOR. Because of this, the company I work for calls everyone together quarterly for a pep-rally, er, I mean, a meeting. Despite this being mandatory, it's not uncommon for most of the other `fellows' who work at the same client as me to find excuses to skip. Needless to say this, on top of the hour and a half drive AFTER hours had me pretty grumpy.

Despite all that I was feeling pretty good, new clothes will do that for me. My kicky skirt and sleeveless blouse had me walking about with my head high and shoulders back. A quick trip to the ladies room had me checking my `look' in the mirror and as I'm wont to do I started tugging at various pieces of clothing to make sure the lines met my approval. That's when I heard it. That awful horrible snap and sproing noise that's the bane of most ladies existence. My bra strap had snapped!

In a panic I dashed back into a stall, stripped off my shirt and the offending article of clothing. It was a total loss. The plastic "O" that was holding the strap to the chest band was gone. Even if I had been carrying a safety pin in my purse, I hadn't brought it in the bathroom with me. My gaze roved haphazardly over the inside of the stall as my brain pondered options: Sneak back into the meeting, grab my keys and run away? Get my coat out of my car and wear it through the presentations? Ask the girl at the hotel front desk if she had a safety pin? Stay locked in the bathroom until someone came looking for me?

Then I saw it. Hanging on the back of the door where I had put in my haste to check the damage, my ID Badge. My mind quickly went over the possibilities: Use the lanyard to tie the strap back into place? Hmm, what about that metal clip? Oh! I KNOW...

So I went to my meeting, underclothes functioning and the smile on my face even bigger then ever knowing that I had a secret. I had repaired my bra using the plastic strap used to snap the badge to the metal clip, and it held like a champ!

I wanna run though the halls of my highschool
Do you ever get tired of living in your own skin? Tired of the music you listen too, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the apartment you live in? Not just one of them, but ALL of them at the same time? I do, I am.

It's not that I don't like my life, or I'm not happy with who I am. I'm bored. My life is nice, but currently mundane, and I'm itching to do something wild and extraordinary. Like staying out all night dancing and partying, or dying my hair black with fuchsia highlights, or re-piercing my nose. Something that thumbs my nose at conformity and allows me to feel, that in this one little corner of my life I am not a boar!

It's not like I feel that my life has to be this way everyday, but now and then I think life could use a little...glitter. Maybe it's just been too long since I listened to loud music. Maybe it's been too long since I hung out with the people that push me to be and do more then I would on my own.

Maybe I just need to learn to be happy with what I've got.